[61] it took a while

You know I haven't written here for a long time.
Actually a lot of things have changed since then.
I'm preraring to move to Moscow, we re-created communications with friends, I found out a lot about me and my ability to feel and live.

Last week I opened this page and created the first post in my life that I was afraid to publish. And it is still in drafts. You can see that there is no post #59. It is but I think I will never publish it. I was too naked and vulnerable. Just because of too deep feelings that I surprisingly can feel.

For the first time I wanted to keep something only for myself. Why is this happening to me? 
It hurts a lot - fear of being completely misunderstood.